8 Things Nice Guys Always Do Wrong
Hi there! This is Learning Canteen. Our focus here shall be on 8 things that characterise guys perceived to be nice. Yeah, you want to be nice. Nobody wants to be known as mean and ignoble. While it is not plausible to be rude, it is also not tenable to take niceness beyond the border of decency. But nice guys do certain things wrong. Follow along as we highlight 8 things nice guys always do wrong.
Your meditativeness or pensiveness doesn't necessarily earn you the trust of others. Seeing beyond the obvious may actually give you another tag beyond being nice. Some of those observing your ability to probe deep may conclude that you're looking for trouble. When you’re courteous in your approach to things and you don’t quickly jump at offers, folks around you believe that you have a hidden agenda.
It could also be misconstrued as an attempt to dominate all around you and subtly pressurise them to see through your eyes when you’re trying to be too nice. It can be damaging to input wrong motive to your steps simply because you want to be peaceful from within by not taking steps that complicate your life that those of others. Meanwhile, your conscience is crystal clear as to your motive. But that’s not what most people around you see. Hence, your courtesy as a nice guy has lost its value.
Your style has to change. It could be that you need to be more communicative so that others can see what you see. Even at that, you don’t have to coerce them to see through your eyes. Make your motive clear for all to see.
A stable relationship depends on the extraordinary quality of forgiveness because we will always slight ourselves. Nice guys who understand this try to forgive with the determination not to be overstretched. They are always ready to forgive in a large way; with all generosity. But they can’t draw the line of the limit of forgiveness.
Decency demands that you set a limit to what you can and will tolerate. It’s wrong for nice guys to make a provision for pardoning their friends and relative who haven’t seen the reason to be pardoned. Wrongly assuming that good relationship is of utmost importance, a nice guy would be the one first to wholeheartedly extend an olive branch to those who have trampled on their rights.
Mr. Nice doesn’t see anything wrong in allowing all matters to go without been sorted out. Even after being ditched again and again by their companions, all is still fine with the nice guy. That's no longer cute, is it? Such an attitude makes you a pushover. It’s no longer nice when you excuse all discourtesies. Sometimes you have to withhold forgiveness so that it will be appreciated when granted.
As a nice guy whose forgiveness has no limit, the message you’re passing across is that they can always rub you the wrong way. You’ll always overlook their errors. Your person and emotions are no longer important to them. Note that there are occasions when you deserve an unreserved apology. You must have likes and dislikes. It takes nothing away from your reputation as a moderately nice person if you make clear your likes and dislikes.
Nice guys make a lot of sacrifices because they believe the peacefulness of a relationship depends on them. They go the extra mile to make their relationship work. The guy who presumes to be nice is prepared to give up his time and energy. That’s another thing nice guys do wrong.
Trying to be nice in this way will result in fast burnout. As a nice guy, all your focus will be on saving your relationship so much so that you will not be able to enjoy that relationship anymore. At the end of the day, the relationship becomes exhausting and the nice man gets burnt out fast. But who caused it? Mr. Nice himself. He has given all he has to the relationship so much so that he refused to take anything out of it.
Hey, nice guy! You need to take certain steps to reduce the risk of fast burnout. Allow your relationship to thrive at its pace; don’t try to set the pace for it. Accept the fact that some things are simply unchangeable; you can’t make others give what they don’t have. Have nice times and catch as much fun as you can catch in a relationship.
The Mystery of Availability
This is another way nice guys get it wrong. They’re available anytime they’re needed by their friends. They’re ensnared by the mystery of availability. They get caught in the web of trying to please everyone they’re involved in a relationship with. This is a mystery because trying to please everyone is neither possible nor understandable. Nice guys who try to achieve that end up getting it all wrong and eventually displeasing themselves.
Imagine having to respond to every message on WhatsApp, every tweet, commenting on or liking every post or replying to every post on Facebook. Your calendar is always open to accommodate them anytime your friends need to hang out with you. Your calendar is in every case all the way open. You think you’re having fun, making them happy around you? Just be nice and don’t be naive. There’s no such thing as being good to everyone.
You’re not rude by making a different arrangement and sticking to it. No one is indispensable. If you're too available for your friends because you want to be nice, you'll make unreasonable trade-offs. And it could be too costly when you have to change your timetables and postpone your personal matters. You've practically put your life on hold to be available to move another person's life forward, all because you are nice.
Always Saying “Sorry”
The nice man doesn’t want anyone around him to feel offended; forgetting that each one is entitled to his feelings. He’s quick to say sorry. Nice guys accept everything as their fault. Even when they’re just acting naturally in their innocence, they apologise when someone takes exceptions. Unfortunately, this is sending another negative signal to those they want to make constantly happy. While you think you’re nice, your friends think you don’t have your personal values. They conclude that you’re uncertain about the things you do, say, or want. It tells them that you’re afraid to believe in yourself.
Worse still, it invalidates and devalues your apologies. When you actually should be sorry and you truly are, your apologies means not to your friends. You’ll be expected to express your apologies in other words apart from I’m sorry. Your ‘sorry’ don’t have any force enough to attract forgiveness. You’ve overused it.
So, Mr. Nice don't be so quick to say sorry. Rather, be positive about your activities and convince yourself that you're doing the right thing.
Nice guys are not able to have or maintain a deep relationship with anyone. It’s not because they’re not trying. But because they don’t want to be seen as being offended, they want to be seen as someone too nice and mature to take offense. Nice guys bottle their feelings. So their friends don’t realize it when they’re offended.
However, this fear of not knowing their likes and dislikes repels well-meaning people. People don’t want to a deep and close bond with nice guys who are largely unpredictable. They can’t risk the effect of contradicting their nice friend’s opinions. And they can’t just feel comfortable in the company of such ones. Folks generally get satisfied and become convinced about the opinion they form after arguing matters and sorting issues out. However, a nice guy who does anything to avoid argument denies his friends of the opportunity to sort matters out through constructive deliberations on differing views. When there are dissenting opinions, you will be able to determine a veritable trade-off and take out obstructions on the way as a group. If you’re aspiring to be a nice guy, don't conceal your feelings and thoughts on matters, just to appease the people around you.
The fact is that not many people can be as “nice” as the nice guy in the circle of friends. But the nice guy keeps being nice all the time and to everyone. He will be shocked to discover that none of his friends and partners is reciprocating his “nice” gesture. Wait a minute! It’s not their fault. You’re simply excessively nice while they, on the other hand, are being natural. They're not as benevolent as you are. They’re not stingy just because they are not giving as much you are giving to that relationship.
But your heart will be flooded with unjustified bouts of anger. And the next time someone else fails to be as nice as you’ve been, the hatred blossom you get angrier. You’ve got it all wrong ab initio when you were trying to be excessively nice.
If you want to free yourself from the shackle of hatred and ill feelings, be realistic rather than idealistic in all your standards of friendship. Don’t expect too much from your friends so that you will not be disappointed.
READ MORE: Signs Someone Doesn’t Like You
It’s all too easy for nice guys to disregard themselves while caring for others. They may be giving too much regards to others and the relationship. While trying to invest in a relationship, a nice guy will put other people's interests ahead of his own. That seems not to be bad on the surface. They’re apparently being nice.
However, while you focus on others, you need to find a way of sorting out your personal matters. So when there is a conflict of interest between yours and your friend’s, you will be in good stead to prioritize. You'll be doing a great disservice to your life if you push your goals to the back to help others get closer to their goals.
When you finish expending yourself on behalf of others, try to take care of your personal need too. It’s because you satisfy your needs that you will have substance in you to draw from in assisting others. You can't help others when you yourself have been drained and bereft of ideas.
So while it's good to be nice, it's important to set a limit to any endeavour. Too much of everything, including good things, is wrong.
FAQ 8 About Things Nice Guys Always Do Wrong
Is it a bad thing to be a Nice Guy?
Been a nice guy is good. It means you caring, calm, easygoing and a good person in general but at the same time, you have to strike the balance between being nice and being stupid.